I’m 36 and I am a geek. Is that too old? Hell no! Welcome, you are now entering the Geek Life of Zoey.
I spent most of my 20s hiding who I am because my undiagnosed anxiety got the better of me. At 29 I got my shit together, learned I had depression and anxiety that had been driving the ship. I got help, I was put on anxiety medication and began seeing a talk therapist. Once the treatment started kicking in, I asked my therapist, “Is this how everyone else feels all of the time?” Ok you may be thinking why did I tell you that, I promise it will all tie together shortly.
Consequently, I’d missed out on so much because of my mental health challenges. I dated a slew of assholes. I mean they started out great then slowly became controlling, cheaters, verbally abusive and one even physically abusive. One of my key traits of anxiety was being a people pleaser, thinking I could always change or love someone into better behavior. If I had one wish in life, it would be that my anxiety got diagnosed as a teenager and not at 29.
As the saying goes, I was all out of fucks to give when I got the right treatment. Three months after I started to get help, I got promoted. I said “no” to friends and commitments I didn’t want to do. I formed a better relationship with my family and cut toxic people out of my life completely. I vowed to stop monkey-barring from one relationship to another. I casually dated for 2 years, recognizing red flags in men very quickly. I learned how to put my oxygen mask on first. I met new friends who actually had similar geek interests. Instead of suppressing my weirdness, I leaned in and embraced it.
Eventually, I met my husband. I was so over dating by our first date I didn’t act prim and proper. Finally, I let my geek flag fly. I told him I like to spend time with my friends and I’m not sure I want anything serious. As the date went on I rambled on and on about absolutely anything and everything. I thought surely, I’ll never hear from him again. Well, I was wrong he asked me out again. It was my lightbulb moment; that maybe I am enough as I am. Game changer!
We became inseparable. I told him about my love for the Marvel Cinematic Universe, stand up comedians, the Big Bang Theory, and Ancient Aliens. Love became so easy and I never felt that pit of anxiety in my stomach, I trusted my boyfriend completely. We both knew pretty early on that we were Endgame. On our wedding day, he had his best man bring me down a gift of flowers, a heart-shaped diamond butterfly (a node to my mother who passed away) and a small stuffed Iron Man (my favorite Avenger). It was the perfect wedding day gift. Our cake was classic and beautiful and at the bottom 4 Ninja Turtles peaked out. I had found my equal!
I found myself and fell in love with me. Once I fell in love with me, I met my husband, my best friends and a great family relationship. To sum this up: see a therapist if you need to, geek out, be yourself, get rid of toxic relationships and you will find your community.
- How to Cope with Anxiety
- How to Pick a Therapist
- How to Breakup with your Therapist
- Anxiety Do’s and Don’ts